How Churches Can Better Help Those Struggling With Pornography

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By Kaitlyn Bancroft, Church News

Sam Black’s teenage daughter once excitedly insisted on driving the two of them home after an event. She’d recently received her driver’s learner permit and was anxious to use it, but when she tried to bypass a long line of cars by cutting through a grassy area, the car sank up to its axles in mud.

Black said it would have been easy in that moment to tell his daughter, “Hey, if you drive through the grass, we’ll get stuck in the mud.” They were already stuck, and his daughter was well aware of why. Pointing out her obvious mistake wouldn’t help her.

“But isn’t that what we often do in our congregations today?” Black said. “[We tell people], ‘Pornography’s wrong. Don’t do that. God hates that. Quit that, stop that, don’t do that.’ And [they respond], ‘I’m already stuck. Can you help me find the way [out]?’”

Black is the director of life change education at Covenant Eyes, a software company with an app that helps people hold themselves accountable for their internet use. He’s also authored multiple books about the impact of pornography.

He talked about his daughter’s driving mishap during the 2025 Utah Coalition Against Pornography Conference held Saturday, March 1, at the Salt Lake Community College campus in Sandy, Utah, and he connected the story to ways churches can better support congregation members who struggle with pornography usage.

Elder Patrick Kearon of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was the event’s opening keynote speaker via a prerecorded video address. He focused his remarks on what he described as the “beautifully optimistic trio” of hope, help and healing for anyone harmed by pornography.

Read this related article from the Church News Elder Kearon: Overcome Pornography’s Harm With Trio of Hope, Help and Healing

The Savior’s atoning gift provides a way back from any loss, wound, pain, heartache or addiction, no matter how low someone has sunk, Elder Kearon said. “Our God of hope offers miraculous healing, peace and assurance that we are never alone, and when we are in the depths of misery and cannot feel His love and grace in our hearts, we must cling to the knowledge of this eternal truth in our heads until we can feel once again.”

Becoming a ‘Healing Church’

Sam Black’s Utah Coalition Against Pornography Conference session was titled “The Healing Church: Helping Leaders and Local Congregations Address Pornography.”

To be a “healing church,” people need safe spaces to process and heal from their traumas, Black said. Churches should be the ideal places to receive that support, but Black said he often finds that churches exist within two extremes: those that tell people to come as they are without challenging them to change, and those that severely punish people who are honest about their mistakes.

“We need to be somewhere here in the center, where it’s safe to come as you are, but we love you too much to let you suffer alone. ... We’ll come alongside you, and we can show you what you don’t know,” Black said.

Churches that strike this balance have congregants who are self-aware, spiritually aware and are able to regulate their emotions, he continued. Their faith is stronger, their prayers and scripture study are better, they serve others more, and they’re simply more whole as human beings.

In a healing church, “We’ve cultivated a body within our global community that can tend those wounds,” Black said. “We are here supporting one another. ... The opposite of addiction is a connection.”

‘God Can Heal People of Anything’

Black also discussed some of the challenges and complexities surrounding pornography usage. He said nearly half of children are exposed to pornography without looking for it, that a major contributing factor to 56% of divorce cases is one spouse’s ongoing pornography use, and that 75% of men and 40% of women say they view pornography at least occasionally.

It’s important to understand why people get stuck in pornography use and why they stay stuck despite wanting to escape, Black continued. He said three common factors often contribute to this issue: early exposure; repeated use, especially throughout adolescence; and some type of trauma or pain.

Because of how a child’s underdeveloped brain is wired, they’re particularly susceptible to the addictive effects of pornography, Black said. Compounded with repeatedly viewing pornography, an individual can develop the habit of turning to pornography when they’re sad, angry or feeling other negative emotions.

But what really tends to cement a pornography problem in place is trauma or pain, Black said. This can mean anything from experiencing abuse to dealing with a divorce or even growing up under harsh rules.

“So these wounds create this underlying belief system that creates a shaking foundation. It’s very susceptible to triggers,” Black said.

Thankfully, through God, healing is possible — and helping someone heal from pornography is a wonderful opportunity for discipleship, Black added.

“The journey to recovery is indeed a journey,” he said. “It’s not a quick fix, [but] God can heal people of anything.”

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