How Parents and Church Members Can Help Youth Flourish

“My dear extraordinary youth, you were sent to earth at this precise time, the most crucial time in the history of the world, to help gather Israel,” President Russell M. Nelson said, addressing the youth of the Church in 2018. “This is the mission for which you were sent to earth.”

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For parents and Church members, finding ways to support the youth in fulfilling this divinely appointed mission can be difficult. However, in a recent interview with the Church News, Laura Padilla-Walker, dean of Family, Home and Social Sciences at Brigham Young University, spoke from her research background and shared how parents and Church members can help the youth flourish and accomplish their part in the Lord’s work.

“These are amazing spirits and amazing young people, who with the right support and autonomy given, will do exactly what they need, because they’ll have the Lord by their side,” Padilla-Walker said.

Foster an Environment of Growth

Having dedicated much of her research to studying the roles of parenting and media influences during adolescence and young adulthood, Padilla-Walker noted the tendency parents carry to focus their efforts on keeping their teens out of trouble.

“As parents and leaders, we hold our breath and hope our youth aren’t getting into any trouble, and then if they’re not, we take a big sigh, and we feel like things are OK,” she said.

While such a tendency is understandable, explained Padilla-Walker, fostering an environment where youth can flourish requires more than just avoiding problematic behaviors; it requires conscious and consistent efforts to strengthen positive ones, too.

“If we ignore the good, we tell children what they shouldn’t do but don’t replace it with what they should do,” Padilla-Walker and graduate student Madi Memmott wrote in their research brief.

According to their research, strengthening positive behaviors is essential in replacing and protecting against the negative.

Recognizing the role of parents and Church members, Padilla-Walker said: “If we can offer them some scaffolding and help them to build relationships with their Savior, then it’s my testimony that we will see miracles.”

Maintain the Relationship

But what does that scaffolding look like?

According to Padilla-Walker, one of the most important things a parent can do is “maintain the relationship.”

She said, “The only way that they’re going to share with you what they’re doing is if you have a good relationship with them.”

Padilla-Walker explained that maintaining a relationship does not mean being permissive but rather building trust by listening to understand, avoiding controlling or punitive approaches and withholding judgment when mistakes are made.

“If every time they talk to you, you’re pointing out a flaw … [or] something that they could do better, then that starts to feel like an interaction that maybe they would prefer to avoid,” she said.

Acknowledging the natural concern parents feel for their children and their decisions, Padilla-Walker added that “agency is such an important principle, and we need to allow our children to learn.”

The more parents allow youth to make decisions for themselves with guidance and recognize the positive things they are doing, the more confident the youth will feel in their ability to choose and turn to their parents for support, according to Padilla-Walker’s and Memmott’s research.

Cultivate Purpose and Belonging Through Service

Another item parents can focus on to support their teen’s flourishing is giving them opportunities to serve at home and in the community, Padilla-Walker said.

“Serving is one of the central ways that we can find belonging,” she said, adding, “Our young people especially need to find that belonging.”

According to Padilla-Walker, service opportunities can range from temple work to vacuuming inside the house. Though these opportunities are not the cure for serious mental health challenges, each can promote a sense of self-worth and belonging that can protect youth against negative influences.

“As young people serve, they learn that they’re valuable and that they’re needed,” she said, “and so they gain self-esteem and self-efficacy because they realize that people are benefitted because of the gifts that they have.”

Padilla-Walker recommended JustServe.org as a tool for parents and youth to find a variety of local service opportunities. She said that as youth engage in service activities they find meaningful, they will grow in self-esteem and in their ability to serve and connect with others, thus flourishing to fulfill their role in the Lord’s work.