Teacher Shares Blessings From Learning to Strengthen Marriage and Family

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This story appears here courtesy of TheChurchNews.com. It is not for use by other media.

By Mary Richards, Church News

For eight years, Flora Shumway helped take care of the plants at the Church Office Building in Salt Lake City.

“Plants bring a good feeling, and they help,” said Shumway, a member of the Salt Lake Ensign Stake of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Even with Flora as her name, she actually did not study floral design or aspire for a career with flora or fauna — but she said yes when the opportunity came up.

“They just needed someone, and my boss at the time said, ‘I think you’ll do fine at this job,’” Shumway remembered. “I’ve enjoyed it, and it’s been really fun.”

She also happened upon another opportunity that she did not at first seek out — teaching Strengthening Marriage and Strengthening the Family courses from the Church. In fact, she has been voluntarily teaching the course for 25 years for Family Services in Davis County, Utah.

The Strengthening Marriage and Strengthening the Family courses can help couples enrich their marriage relationship and improve their skills in parenting. Manuals can be ordered by ward or branch — or a PDF version of each can be found online by searching ChurchofJesusChrist.org for the course name. Resources are available in Spanish, Chinese, German, Japanese, Portuguese, Russian and Ukrainian.

Sometimes Shumway has 20 students, sometimes only one. But even just one is enough for her as a teacher.

“If one person has a burden lifted from a way they thought, or the way they thought they were supposed to think or the way they thought they were supposed to do things and that burden is lifted — success,” she said.

And each time, she feels a push to listen to the Lord and follow Him through the principles taught in the class.

“I continue teaching the course, and I will forever because I need to be reminded of those things that make a difference in — well, I feel like they are Christlike principles,” she said.

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How Strengthening Marriage and Family Courses Help Flora Shumway

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At a time when Shumway felt she was doing everything right with her five young children — reading scriptures, having family night, saying prayer, attending Church — she still thought there must be more than doing. She wanted the “being.”

Her brother living in California mentioned a resource at the time called “Becoming a Better Parent.” Then, she found out that a woman who had just moved into her stake in St. George was offering to teach the course. At the end of the course, as Shumway’s family was moving to a new city, the teacher gave her the teacher’s manual and told her, “You are going to teach this.”

Sure enough, Shumway started teaching in her new ward in the Centerville South Stake, and has been teaching in several stakes ever since.

Since then, the course has been broken into the two parts, but Shumway combines the two manuals and uses the principles. She teaches for about an hour and a half a week for about 10-week sessions.

When she began taking the class, her children ranged from 3 years old to 14.

“I actually became a single mother,” Shumway said. “I never could have ever done it without this class.”

Her sister became a widow with six children, and she said she never could have made it without the class, either.

“Instead of ever, ever telling a child they are wrong or argue with them, you learn how to stop and say, ‘I want to see it from your point of view. I want to know what you are feeling.’ Because the relationship is more important than any cross kind of talk you could have,” Shumway said.

How Strengthening Marriage and Family Courses Help Others

Shumway spoke of a father whose teenage daughter told him she was pregnant. The first thing out of his mouth was not, “How dare you? How could you? What are you thinking?” she said. Instead, he thought of his daughter: “How long have you had to bear this alone?”

A mother who took the class said her daughter was having same-gender issues. The mother told Shumway, “Had I not had this class, our relationship would have been broken right there. But because I had this class, I knew things to say and a way to be. Our relationship is great. And we are working together with these feelings.”

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Another father realized during the class that perhaps his daughter was not doing her homework because she wanted his attention. When he sat down with her for a little while every night, things improved.

A couple has been taking the class for five years straight as they seek better relationships with their teenage children. Shumway said, “That’s why I teach it. I need to be reminded constantly of the way to be. More than just doing, just the way to be.”

The courses can be done on a ward or stake level or through a local office of Family Services. The courses can be taught by ward or stake volunteer instructors, like Shumway.

Shumway said some people are afraid and hesitant to take the course — especially if their bishop suggested they take it. She said they’ll say, “Oh we don’t need counseling.” But she says it is not counseling.

“I wish the name of the course was Strengthening Yourself (or) Strengthening Who I Am,” Shumway said.

Changing Minds to Better Hear the Spirit

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Shumway mentioned the Church’s Emotional Resilience course — now in 15 languages — as another resource from Family Services with guiding principles that can improve people’s lives as well.

“When our minds are so filled with self-talk that is negative, or self-talk that is guilt, or ‘I should be’ or ‘I shouldn’t be’ or ‘how do I talk’ or ‘what do I do,’ it blocks the Spirit. So the more that we can get out of our minds and clear it up, the more we can hear the Spirit,” Shumway said.

The Church’s resources for strengthening marriages and families can be found at churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/family/strengthening-marriages-and-families. Other resources from Family Services are at familyservices.churchofjesuschrist.org.

Shumway said the resources teach principles that strengthen testimonies in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.

“I think that Family Services is trying to heal the world, trying to heal the wounds that keep anybody and everybody from hearing Christ,” she said. “I really appreciate that and I appreciate being a part of that.”

Copyright 2023 Deseret News Publishing Company.